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Welcome to the Main Page of the Love In A Stave competition.
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LOLARIOUSBRILLIANCE's Submission
...?"
I stopped in my tracks. It was that familiar tune. The one that Mama used to play.
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"MAMA!" I yelled as I padded into the kitchen. I ran to the familiar figure and latched my 5-year-old body onto her leg. "Mama, let's go play the piano today!"
My mother looked down at me with her beautiful sky-blue eyes. Those eyes which I had inherited and took pride in. "Not now, honey, I'm making dinner," she replied in that affable tone of voice I loved so much. I pouted. "Please...?" I replied. However, I knew that in the end, Mama would always give in to me. Mama looked at me and stared right into my eyes. "Alright," she said and I gave her the biggest grin I could managed. She switched off the stove and led me into the living room, where our grand piano was.
Mama had received it from one of our relatives who had moved away. It had been there even before I was born and I'd spent my childhood just sitting on the floor, listening to Mama playing the piano. "Now, what would you like me to play today?" Mama asked as she settled down onto the soft piano chair. I thought for awhile. "The...um...Camera Indeed!" I said, quite pleased at myself for remembering my favourite music piece's name. My mum let out a chuckle. "It's Canon In D, not Camera Indeed. Very well," she replied and started playing.
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Slowly, I inched forward towards the door of the Music Room. I couldn't deny it; I was half expecting my mother to appear in my school's Music Room, playing that oh so familiar tune that I loved. Although there was a part of me that reasoned that that was out of the question, I still had to see for myself. I put my face close to the glass panel on the door and used my hands to cup my face so as to block the light out. My heart sank. It was just some random student practicing.
I inevitably let out a sigh of disappointment as I made my way out towards the school gates. Mama had left when I was 11 years old, leaving only a single letter of contrite apologies and explanations.
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To my Darling Princess,
I'm so sorry I have to leave. I know I'm probably going to cause you lots of heartaches but I'm sure that when you grow up you'll understand why Mama had to go. As you know, your dad and I are going through a divorce right now and the law states that we have to live separately for awhile. I'm really sorry I can't bring you along with me, but I'm going to live at your Aunt Mariam's house for the time-being and there simply isn't any space for an extra person. I'm very, very sorry, honey. I promise I'll come back for you some day, OK? For now, please be a very good girl and listen to your father. He's not having it any easier than me, so I want you to bear with his temper for the time being, alright? Thank you, darling. I promise I'll come back for you, I really will. I love you.
Love,
Mama
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I took out my key and inserted it into the keyhole. I wondered about the promise Mama had made in that letter. Why had she even bothered to make it? I hadn't received a single call or letter from her ever since that first and last letter. I'd always yearned to see those familiar blue eyes at school events, ballet recitals, Sports Day...and yet...
I closed the door and locked it. Dad was still at work during that time of day, so I had the whole house to myself. I went up to my room and changed into more comfortable clothes. As I walked past my stereo on the way on, I suddenly stopped in front of it. 'Maybe just once,' I thought to myself. I opened the CD case that I had chucked haphazardly next to my stereo and put it into the stereo.
I plopped down onto my bed as the music started playing. Canon In D was still my favourite music piece, after all these years. I closed my eyes and just completely relaxed.
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"Mummy, teach me how to play Canon In D!" I said as I ran over to the piano. I pulled out the piano bench and sat on it. "Not now, darling," Mama said in this weird voice, kind of like she was struggling to get the words out. "Mama? What's wrong?" I asked, but she just shook her head and headed up to her room.
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I must have fallen asleep for quite awhile, because the next thing I knew, the orange sunlight of the evening sun was shining through my windowpanes. I sat up and stretched for while before pressing "Eject" on my stereo. I slowly made my way down to the living room. The coat rack was still bare and empty, meaning that Dad wasn't home yet. Just as I was about to heat up some TV dinner, there were three precise and clear knocks on the door. "Coming!" I said as I ran over and opened the door. "May I help-" I paused mid-sentence.
I stared straight into those blue eyes. Those oh-so familiar yet so distant pair of clear, blue eyes.
"Mama?"
thanks for your submission.
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INFORMATION The title says it all, it's an essay competition. The theme is 'Love and Music'.
THEME As said above, the theme is 'Love and Music'. Actually, what I mean is that the 'love' in the essay must be related/connected to music. Please note that you can use any form of love. It need not be between a couple.
RULES 1 The essay must be written in over 450 words words. 2 There is no maximum number of submissions. 3 Pornographic or related subjects will not be entertained; other submission by the same submitter will also be disqualified. 4 If the essay doesn't correspond to the theme, that submission will be disqualified; other submission by the same submitter will not be affected. 5 Your submission must be 100% original. 6 Your submission must be in English only.
LANGUAGE Please use proper English, no Singlish, and please, no twitting.
SUBMITTING Save it in a MS Word document and send it through me via MSN Messenger or E-Mail. My E-Mail is dogsmiley@hotmail.com. Submitted entries will not be given back to the submitter for editting, please check your work thoroughly. If you have failed to check your work, you are not to submit the edited essay again. If I find similar submissions by the same author, I will reject both submissions.
DATES START 31st of December. END 31st of January. RESULTS 2nd of February to 5th February.
JUDGING CRITERIA CONTENT: 20 Marks STRUCTURE: 15 Marks LANGUAGE: 10 Marks
CREDITS Jeremy for the name.
FIRST SENTENCE I was walking down the street, with an earpiece plugged into my ear, that song reminded me of the first time we met... (optional)
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1 StairWayMannequin
Ernest is 12, going 13 this year. He organized this competition, and hopes it would be a success. He aspires to become a better BlogSkinner who types perfect English.
2 狂然怪異
3 /!nsomnia®
Helena is a young kid of thirteen, not really the fitting age to be a good judge, but is trying very hard to earn some experience. Helena appreciates the beautiful Shakespearean language, and is hoping to understand it. Helena is easily hurt and is very much sensitive to the things that she hear. Helena is numb at her surroundings, and thinks her life outside of the Internet is nothing.
Do note that we have the right to disqualify any of the submissions. Please do not hold it against us because you got undesired marks.
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UNHOLYCRESS’s Submission.
Content: 16/20
I like the way you wrote the essay, but I didn't get what happened. Wasn't she sleeping on the park bench? How did she go into the shed? Would she wake up on day and remember everything she forgot? Why would Jean call her murderer at the present for something that happened 4 years ago?
Structure: 14/15
I overall like this sory very much. I have not much to say about this part.
Language: 14/15
Pretty good English you got there.
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!SLUMBER ’s Submission.
Content: 12/20
The essay seems rushed, there’s no elaboration, no description of how much they love each other, or anything else. Everything happens on Jen’s deathbed. The limit for each essay is 1200 words originally when you submitted, but you only used 491 words, slightly over the borderline. You can explain much more about what happened in the 5 years of their marriage. Emphasis on the ‘Music’ section is also very low. How did she write this essay if she is dead?
Structure: 10/15
The way you arranged the things that happened from their childhood to the marriage is very rushed. I didn’t understand what happened in between that made them love each other so much. Will studying together have any help to their relationship? You could improve on this part. If she were so sick, how did she write a letter? And if he had been with her for the whole time, will she get a chance to write it secretly? It is in her hands, it is obvious enough for anyone to notice, I believe he will see it too.
I was in the hospital, dying of 4th stage breast cancer. My grandmother had also died of cancer, so it was in my genes. We had both gotten our degrees in doctor, and spending our fifth year in marriage together already.’
Why do you skip from her grandmother to her husband? You make it sound like her grandmother had a medicine degree and was married to you for five years..
Language: 10/15
I can’t say much about this section, but I spotted a few grammatical mistakes.
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