He was my best friend, my favourite “hugging machine”, and the only one who gave me a helping hand on the first day of high school. His parents were famous composers, and he had inherited that gift. The gift I had always longed for. Sometimes I even felt jealous of him. He was so lucky in so many ways – he was rich, he was well-bred and he was talented. He even had a job, playing the piano in a grand hotel somewhere.

He was the one who taught me to play the piano; my dream ever since I was a young child, and he had helped me fulfilled it. I came from a poor family, with parents who could barely afford to send me for piano lessons. He was my life-saver. It feels so weird to think that just a month ago he had been by my side while I sat on the piano stool trying my best to play Canon in D.

“Come on, Eloise. Curve your fingers, don’t get distracted…”
I couldn’t do it. My fingers slipped off the keys. At that point, I was so frustrated I just wanted to blame the shiny black piano’s keys for being so… stiff. But I thought twice and decided to stop pushing the blame around.
“I can’t do it.”
“Yes you can. Remember what I told you?”
I sighed. “I know, I know, there’s no such thing as ‘can’t’.”
“So keep trying, and eventually you will succeed.”

He had always been extremely patient with me. Every Monday we would meet up at his apartment and he would begin the lesson. He would demonstrate the piece we were about to play once first, and then he would coach me. He laughed at the way I drew crotchet notes and called them lollipops. In college, we were teased and proclaimed a couple, but in truth, we were just best friends. I treated him like my big brother. There was never any romance. But I can confidently say I loved him.

Jake had been struggling with leukemia for some time now, no matter how well he had seemed to me. And just two weeks ago, he died. It was such a painful day. I couldn’t accept it at first. I yelled at his parents, accusing them of lying to me. But after a while, I knew they were telling the truth, and I broke down and cried my heart out all night.

For two days after Jake’s funeral, I stayed home all day practicing Canon in D over and over again until it was perfect. I had succeeded. Jake would be proud of me.

“Eventually you will succeed.”
These words still ring every so often in my head. And I had made it come true.

Do note that we have the right to disqualify any of the submissions. Please do not hold it against us because you got undesired marks.

I like the way you wrote the essay, but I didn't get what happened. Wasn't she sleeping on the park bench? How did she go into the shed? Would she wake up on day and remember everything she forgot? Why would Jean call her murderer at the present for something that happened 4 years ago?

I overall like this sory very much. I have not much to say about this part.

Pretty good English you got there.

The essay seems rushed, there’s no elaboration, no description of how much they love each other, or anything else. Everything happens on Jen’s deathbed. The limit for each essay is 1200 words originally when you submitted, but you only used 491 words, slightly over the borderline. You can explain much more about what happened in the 5 years of their marriage. Emphasis on the ‘Music’ section is also very low. How did she write this essay if she is dead?

The way you arranged the things that happened from their childhood to the marriage is very rushed. I didn’t understand what happened in between that made them love each other so much. Will studying together have any help to their relationship? You could improve on this part. If she were so sick, how did she write a letter? And if he had been with her for the whole time, will she get a chance to write it secretly? It is in her hands, it is obvious enough for anyone to notice, I believe he will see it too. I was in the hospital, dying of 4th stage breast cancer. My grandmother had also died of cancer, so it was in my genes. We had both gotten our degrees in doctor, and spending our fifth year in marriage together already.’ Why do you skip from her grandmother to her husband? You make it sound like her grandmother had a medicine degree and was married to you for five years..

I can’t say much about this section, but I spotted a few grammatical mistakes.